Giovani’s toast

8 Apr
All of us have friends who, for one reason or another, we worry about. I have a few of these people in my life at the moment, but none of them is more worrisome to me than Giovani.

The man is unhealthily obsessed with toasted bread. Not just any toasted bread, mind you. But perfectly toasted and served bread. Done in a manner that is, above all, proper. He actually thinks about this stuff, you know. A lot.

To prove that I’m not overstating, get a load of this picture. It was taken just this morning by my friend, at a luxurious vacation retreat, on an island where he and his husband Scott are supposed to be enjoying some much-needed together time. Giovani texted the toast photo to me, with the following message: “I’m a very happy man.”

I don’t know about you, but were I the “happy” guy texting a vacation picture to a pal thousands of miles away, you can be sure that it would not be the least bit similar to this photo.

Still not convinced that I have reason to be concerned about my friend’s obsessive behavior? Then try this one on for size. A while back Scott and Giovani were over the house for a dinner party. An hors d’oeuvre we were serving required a bit of toasted bread, and so Giovani was naturally put in charge of its manufacture. As mine is not the type of house that is equipped with a specialized toast server (see vacation photo of said device above), Giovani was forced to improvise.

I call it Breadhenge.

The idea here is to keep the toast slices vertical and separated. Stacking slices of warm toast, even for an instant, promotes unwanted humidity, which, according to my poor, tormented friend, “ruins everything!”

And you think you have problems.

5 Responses to “Giovani’s toast”

  1. Sharon Ray April 9, 2014 at 6:15 pm #

    I'm so glad to see there is somebody else like me! My bread has to be toasted to the nth degree, stacked just like Giovani and must be cooled down completely before it is buttered to retain that crunch!

  2. The Masked Poster April 10, 2014 at 8:22 am #

    Meatball, I can't believe it! After weeks of lardo, we now get Two columns in less than a week, and both equally interesting. Keep 'em coming.

  3. Anonymous April 11, 2014 at 11:28 pm #

    it's nice to know that some people do things right. Years of living in the USA have not made me any happier about raw or rare toast, buttered when hot, so that it devolves to soggy Wonderbra (oh, did I mean bread)

  4. Anonymous May 1, 2014 at 7:45 pm #

    The bread in pix looks like wonderbread equivalent, which likely wont stand up well to steam, butter, but good quality or\”real\” bread does much better with either. I, personally, don't care as much for cold butter on toast, as it tastes too much like grease then. One problem with restaurant toast, in US at least, is not just uneven toasting, but the \”butter\” isn't butter anyway and is brushed on from a tub, melted or near-melted (and likely full of added water whipped in) butterlike substance.

  5. Douglas Dixon October 29, 2018 at 5:00 pm #

    As a fan of perfectly toasted bread, I applaud the precise attention to detail of this “toast stud”. He can toast my bread anytime!!!

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